What is this thing called mall?
by speedo fannypacker
Summary: Neji, Sasuke, Lee, and Naruto discover the horrors of following the girls to the mall. One-shot!


You know what inspired me to write this? My best friends mother! Yes, she got lost in the mall, so I decided this would be quite a fun one shot to write. Thank you Jennifer's mother for the inspiration. Oh yes, and my boredom. Even though I really was supposed to be doing my homework. My bad.

Team Kakashi was bored. Bored beyond belief.

"What do you want to do today?" Naruto asked poking Sasuke.

"I don't know what do YOU want to do today?" He glared back at Naruto.

"Nuh uh, I asked first," Naruto glared back.

They both looked at Kakashi.

"What do YOU want to do today?" they asked in unison.

"We could train?" Kakashi suggested look up from his book. All he got in return was a 'are you crazy' look from Naruto and Sasuke.

"Or not?" Kakashi said returning to his book.

"Where's Sakura anyways?" Naruto asked.

"She said something about taking the day off to go to the mall with her girl friends," Kakashi said.

"Lets go to the mall too!" Naruto said.

"What's a mall?" Sasuke asked raising an eyebrow.

"What! You don't know what a mall is? How stupid can you get?" he sneered at Sasuke.

"Well, if you know so much about a mall, why don't' you inform me about it?" Sasuke smirked he knew Naruto was lying.

"Uh… You see… a mall…it's this thing…" Naruto trailed off and started making obscene hand gestures trying to show Sasuke what a mall is.

"You don't know what it is do you?" Sasuke asked satisfied.

"I do too! I just don't know how to explain it okay!" Naruto fired back.

"Moron." Sasuke said simply.

Naruto decided to ignore the last, "Lets go to the mall!"

"Do you even know where the mall is?" Sasuke asked doubting Naruto.

"No! But that's what the Internets for!" he said triumphantly.

"Since when did you have internet?" Sasuke asked.

"Never! But that's what Neji is for! I mean have you SEEN that house! It's gigantic! Therefore he must be rich." Naruto said happily.

"You really think Neji it going to let you go into his house and let you use his computer?" Sasuke sighed.

"No, but that's is what the stealth training was for!" Naruto grinned.

"You FAILED that course idiot," Sasuke reminded Naruto.

"Shut up! At least I wasn't the one that slipped on the banana peel and triggered the alarm!" Naruto retorted.

"That was because YOU pushed me!" Sasuke said.

"Calm down guys," Kakashi decided to break the fight up before they really started throwing punches.

"He started it!" they accused each other at the same time.

"Whatever, I don't care who started it I'M ending it!" Kakashi said flipping the page in his book.

"Well, forget about that, lets go find Neji!" he grabbed Sasuke and ran off.

Mean while…

Neji was conveniently walking down the street with Lee at his side. Since Ten Ten had gone out with her friends Gai told the it was pointless to train as a three-man team when there were only two people! Therefore you could not do the three man team training!

And after that rather long explanation the two of them decided to leave to do what Gai called 'bonding'.

"What do you want to do Neji?" Lee asked.

"I don't really care, I don't even know why we're doing this stupid bonding thing," he grumbled.

"We must not disobey Gai!" Lee said.

"Yeah, yeah I know," Neji mumbled as they turned the corner.

"So what do you want to do?" Lee asked again.

"You pick something," Neji said giving in.

"Really?" Lee said excited.

"Yes."

"Yes!" Lee grabbed Neji and pulled him around yet another corner. But that didn't really work because they smacked right into Naruto who was also dragging Sasuke. They both fell into a dazed clump onto the ground.

"Fuzzy eyebrows!" Naruto said pointing at Lee.

"Naruto!" Lee said happily.

"Uchiha," Neji nodded his head.

"Hyuuga," Sasuke acknowledged Neji.

"Where is Sakura?" Lee asked scanning around for his pink haired beauty.

"She's went to a mall with her friends," Naruto answered looking around for Ten Ten.

"Where's Ten Ten?" he asked.

"What a coincidence! Ten Ten also went to the mall with her friends!" Lee said.

"Yes what a coincidence," Neji said sarcastically.

Sasuke chose not to say anything because if he told everybody he didn't know what a mall was he would surely be the laughing stock of the entire village.

"Oh yeah, Neji! I need to use the your computer," Naruto said facing Neji.

"Why?" Neji asked afraid of the answer.

"Because we need to know where the nearest mall is!" Naruto said as if it was normal for guys to go to the mall together.

"Uh. No." Neji answered simply.

"Oh come on! I'm your friend right?" Naruto said.

"I don't have friends," Neji said coldly.

"Yes you do! I made you see the light! Doesn't that mean ANYTHING to you!" Naruto whined.

"Do you even know how to use the Internet Naruto?" Sasuke asked.

"Duh. What kind of idiot doesn't know how to use the Internet?" Naruto said.

Sasuke decided to say no more because he was apparently the idiot that didn't know how to use the Internet. All this training to kill Itachi had blocked everything out. Things like Internet.

"No, it's not like my uncle would allow you in the house anyways," Neji said truthfully.

"Oh come on Neji! He does have a good reason and if he found where the nearest mall was we could go hang out with Ten Ten!" Lee said taking Naruto's side.

"I have no intention of hanging out with Ten Ten, hanging out with you is bad enough," Neji said.

"Ouch." Naruto looked at Lee.

"Well, its obvious Neji isn't going to let you use the Internet why don't you give up right now?" Sasuke asked.

"No! I refuse! Because I am the…"

"Okay fine you can use the internet," Neji said rather hurriedly because he didn't want Naruto to launch one of his insanely long inspiring 'I'm going to become the hokage and kick everybody's butts' speeches.

"Seriously?" Naruto asked.

Neji sighed, "Yes."

"Lets go!" Lee grabbed all three of them and ran off to Neji's house.

They arrived there rather quickly because it WAS Lee carrying them and he IS rather fast.

"Did you REALLY need to pick me up?" Sasuke asked annoyed and traumatized.

"If I hadn't we would've taken too long to get here!" Lee defended himself.

"Lets just go in and get this over with," Neji pushed the gates open and went in.

Many main house members were training in the yard, practicing all their spiffy Hyuuga attacks. They immediately stopped when Neji walked in with Naruto, Lee, and Sasuke.

"I told you they wouldn't want you here," Neji whispered.

They crossed the yard in silence and opened the door to find Neji's uncle standing there trying to look intimidating.

"Who are these people?" he asked.

"People." Neji answered not wanting to call them friends.

"Why are they here?" he continued his interrogation.

"Why do you care?" Neji asked walking by him.

Lee, Sasuke, and Naruto just looked up at Hiashi and followed Neji quietly.

"Who WAS that guy?" Naruto asked.

"That," Neji pushed open another set of doors, "was my uncle."

"Oh." Lee said, "He was scary."

"Yes, a lot of people seem to think so too," Neji agreed.

Flicking the light switch on Neji revealed his room with a small computer on his desk.

"Knock yourself out," he pointed to his desk.

"Yes!" Naruto said running over.

A few minutes ticked by.

"What are you doing you moron turn it on so we can get this over with," Sasuke asked.

"Uh…I know I'm just…doing some mental preparation," Naruto said.

"Mental preparation eh?" Sasuke asked.

"You don't know how to use the computer do you?" Neji asked wanting to grab the nearest book and hit himself on the head repeatedly until he gave himself a concussion.

"I'll help Naruto!" Lee said happily and started to walk over.

"No!" Neji almost shouted as he stopped Lee in his tracks, it was bad enough to have Naruto of all people trying to use his computer he didn't need another idiot. "I'll do it."

Neji pressed some buttons and the computer was up and running.

"Ooh ahhh…" Lee and Naruto said together.

Sasuke smacked his forehead with his hand.

"This is going to be one long day…"

**Half an hour later**

"Are we ready to go now?" Sasuke asked.

"Yes! Finally!" Lee said.

"Why am I even involved with this?" Neji asked.

"Because you're the one with the internet!" Naruto said as they walked out the front doors once again getting a bunch of glares from the main family.

Neji was just about to comment about how he did not like getting used but he decided to be quiet because Naruto and Lee had already sprinted off.

"Your teammate is an idiot," Sasuke said.

"So is yours," Neji retorted.

They walked together in silence until they found the two "idiot" standing outside a very large building panting.

"Did you really have to run?" Sasuke asked.

"Yes." Naruto and Lee said together.

'Two halves of a whole idiot,' Neji said in his head.

"Okay so what's the first shop to go to?" Lee asked walking up to the directory.

"If I was a girl where would I go first?" Naruto asked nobody in particular.

"I don't understand why you people ask those kind of questions, like I would ever be a girl anyways," Sasuke grumbled.

"How about Victoria secret?" Naruto suggested.

"Why would name your store Victoria secret?" Neji said obviously not knowing what they sold at Victoria secret.

"Beats me! Lets go!" Lee said once again dragging the other three into the mall.

Sakura, Ten Ten, and Ino were conveniently at Victoria Secret buying some lotion and body spray and where just about to go to buy some more underwear when they saw something that caught their eyes.

"Oh my gosh! There's a 50 off sale over there!" Sakura said and pointed at the stand.

"Lets go!" they paid and ran off just missing Lee, Neji, Sasuke, and Naruto.

"What IS this place?" Neji said sniffing the air.

"Gross! It smells horrible!" Naruto said plugging his nose.

Sasuke's vision was blurring because the 'fumes' were making him nauseous.

"It smells like Sakura…" Lee said dreamily.

"How do you know what Sakura smells like?" Naruto asked.

"Uh…" Lee looked around suspiciously.

"Okay I don't even want to know," Sasuke said turning away.

Unfortunately he turned to the wrong direction because he was now faced with the…dun dun dun! UNDERWEAR SECTION!

"Dear lord! IT BURNS!" He said and covered his eyes.

"Huh?" Naruto said turning around too. "My eyes!" He screamed.

Neji decided not to say anything because he had seen it already because of his vision.

"Do you young men need help finding something?" a lady popped out of no where scaring them half to death, "perhaps something for your girlfriends?" she winked.

"Are you insane?" Sasuke eyed her.

"Oh my gosh! Your that Uchiha kid!" she squealed.

"…Yes…" Sasuke said getting ready to run for his life.

Good thing Lee decided to intervene, "Guess who I am!" he said excitedly.

"Uh…fuzzy eye browed kid?" she said.

"Haha! Did you hear that Lee?" Naruto clutched to his stomach while laughing.

While Lee was wallowing in self pity Neji decided this was stupid and he was way above this sort of thing so he decided to leave.

"Wait! Neji! Don't leave!" Naruto called.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't?" Neji said.

"Uh…because your byakugan could help us find the girls?" Naruto tried.

"Hmph. Like I would use my technique on something as trivial as that," he continued walking.

"Oh my! You must be the Hyuuga kid!" the sales lady popped up once again and shook his hand.

Neji stopped in his track and decided to stay because if he did that meant his ego would've been inflated even further.

"You HAVE to model for us," she begged.

"But you guys sell women lingerie," Lee said.

"I know…" the women trailed off with an evil glint in his eye.

Neji's eyes widened as he backed away.

"I really have to go," he said trying to get the lady to stop following him.

"Oh but it will only take a few minutes," she said and continued following him.

"No."

Somehow Neji got turned around and started backing back up into the store making him bump into various things.

"Neji! Watch out," Naruto said.

But it was too late he had already crashed into a rack of clothing, gotten covered in underwear and bras, and fallen on his butt. Lee had jumped in front of him just in time to save him some humiliation.

Sakura, Ino, and Ten Ten had just been passing by when something caught Ten Ten's eye. She stopped in her tracks.

"What's wrong Ten Ten?" Ino asked.

Ten Ten shook her head," It's nothing I just thought I saw Neji covered in Victoria secret bras…"

"Haha! Now THAT would have been a funny sight," Ino chuckled.

"What happened to having 360 degrees vision?" Sasuke asked.

"Lets just go," Neji brushed himself off and walked out the door.

"Is he hurt?" Naruto asked.

"Yeah right, the only thing that was hurt was his ego," Lee whispered back.

"That woman is still following us," Sasuke pointed out.

"Stalkers," Naruto said simply.

"Okay well we still haven't found any of the girls, what are we going to do now?" Lee asked.

"How about this store? It seems really popular," Naruto said pointing to Abercrombie & Fitch.

"It will take forever for us to find them in there," Sasuke said.

"We'll split up," Neji said.

"Alright!" the boys said punching the air in a very cliché way.

"Ten Ten! Ten Ten! Where are you?" Lee called.

Lee found a set of doors.

"Wow, this is just like the ninja training…which door shall I choose?" he said missing the changing room sign.

He picked the first one and ripped it open with his strength. Inside he found a girl about ready to take her shirt off.

"Oh my god what are you doing in the women's changing room!" she screamed.

"Uh oh…"

Neji simply walked around the store occasionally glancing, he only suggested the idea of splitting up because he couldn't take hanging around with Lee anymore. He stopped right in front of a large sign with a guy that had his shirt off sitting on a beach.

"Young man I couldn't help but notice your very long hair and I was wondering if you would model for us…" Neji spun around to find a mind grinning evilly at him.

"Crap.." he grumbled.

Sasuke and Naruto had bumped into each other and decided to look for Sakura together because both of them were too tired to accuse each other of following the other person.

"Sakura! Sakura!" Naruto said as Sasuke stayed silent.

"Save me Naruto!" Lee came barreling out of the dressing room with women on his tail.

"What the heck!" Sasuke yelled as he too began to run from the angry mob.

"They're going to kill us!" Naruto said.

They ran right by Neji who was backing away from the sales man.

"Run for your life Neji!" Lee shouted as he ran out of the store.

Neji didn't need to be told twice as he joined the three boys.

All four of them ran out of the mall screaming, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" and vowing to never again tread the evil thing called the mall.

**END**

Phew. That took a while. Was it random? Of course. I hope this one shot was enough to compensate for the home ec story I'm supposed to be writing. Personally, I liked it.


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